I know you’re discouraged right now. You can’t understand the plan God has for you. You don’t know why that door wasn’t the one for you to walk through. Worry is creeping into your heart, you worry you won’t be able to save enough, that the fertility meds won’t work, the IVF won’t be successful. You worry adoption will fall through. Worried that fostering will be too much for you to bare. You worry, worry, worry!
Don’t allow the enemy to use your discouragement against you. He wants you to feel defeated. To feel hopeless. To feel ashamed. ENOUGH! Don’t give up! God will always make away! When one door closes, He WILL open another. It may be a different door than you had planned, but trust in His plan. No matter how hard it seems, know that He has your back always! Stand in your faith. Stand on your promise! Stand on God’s Word. Don’t give up! Xoxo
“For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
What you put into your heart is so important, it dictates how you will feel, act, and treat others. It even dictates how your relationship with God will be. The Bible tells us to “guard our hearts” to be careful of what we put into them, protect them. Do you guard yours?
Infertility is a pool of mixed emotions. There are ups and downs. Your heart is constantly being poured into and out of. Fostering is a roller coaster that so strongly affects our emotions and our hearts. Life in general is filled with so many things that, if we arent careful can harden our hearts. We cannot let our hearts be filled with bitterness, anger, envy, jealousy, hate or any other negative emotion. We cannot allow our hearts to be tainted. Let the negative out and the positive in. FIll your hearts with things of God like: Hope, peace, faith, love, forgiveness; all of the fruits that the spirit can give us. God gave them to us to make our hearts like His.
What’s in you heart today? If you find your heart filled with bitterness let it go. If you find your heart filled with anger let it go. If you find your heart filled with jealousy let it go. Let of all the negative things in your heart. How can I let it all go you ask? Pray. Study the Word. Saturate your heart and soul with Gods word. Fill your heart with the fruits of the spirit. The more you fill your heart with Jesus, the less you fill it with the hurts of this world. Jesus will take your dirty heart and make it clean! Search your heart today. Let Jesus take over and heal it. Guard your heart. Cleanse your heart of all the hurts and be free to experience all the good things God has for you.
“God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Today you will be emotional. You feel like there is a dark cloud hanging over your head pouring down rain on you for everyone to see. You feel like you will never be celebrated on this day. You will feel a flood of emotions over taking you all at once, with what may seem like no end in sight. You will feel like everyone is staring at you anticipating for you to break down at any moment. Most of all you feel paralyzed.
It is hard to be an infertile woman or foster mom on this day. As an infertile woman you feel like you have “failure barren woman” stamped on your forehead. Your womb aches extra hard on this day for life to grow inside of it. As a foster mom you feel like you can’t be celebrated, because the child that you’re holding in your arms might only be temporary. You feel like being a foster mom makes you ineligible to be celebrated as a mom. You think people will judge you if you are happy on this day. You worry that they’ll remind you that you are only pretending to be a mother.
Stop all of those lies that the enemy is whispering into your heart and mind today. God has called you to this life, whether you are infertile, a foster mom, adoptive mom or a biological mom, you are a MOM. As an infertile woman you love every child as your own. Your heart is full of so much love waiting to be released. You love your nieces, nephews and your friends children as your own. As a foster mom, you are selflessly giving your whole heart to children who need it most. You are being their mom even if only for a season. You are loving them, making them feel safe, and nurturing them, all qualities of a mother. As an adoptive mom, you have given a child a chance at a life filled with love. You opened yourself up to biological mom who did the most selfless act a mother could do; she gave her baby to you.
Motherhood comes in so many different ways, but that shouldn’t make anyone ever feel unworthy to be celebrated on this day. No matter how you became a mother you ARE still a mother. To the mom in waiting reading this, don’t be afraid. Your time will come and if you never birth a child you will be a mom to someone along the way that needs one.
I ask all of you reading this to do me a favor and….DON’T BE AFRAID OF MOTHER’S DAY. God has a plan. He is with you every step you take to your motherhood. Trust in Him. Trust in the process. As hard as it is to do, trust in the wait. Celebrate the mother’s around you today. One day you will be the one celebrated! Praise God for the many children that will call you mom and stop worrying about how they will come to you! So, I say again today don’t be afraid of Mother’s Day.
“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!” Psalms 113:9 ESV
Just when you think you have overcome the pain of infertility, it has a way of creeping back up. You see a baby in passing and feel that sting in your heart. When you see the pregnancy announcement on facebook the sting is there. When that time of month comes, the sting is there. There are always little daily reminders of your sense of failure. Your failure to “produce” a child. The sting will never truly go away, however, God can help you cope with it everyday. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:7 to “cast your cares upon Him, becuase He cares for you.” He will help strengthen you in your weak moments. He will help those scars on your heart that constanly reopen to heal once more.
The sting might never truly go away and that is ok, but how you deal with the sting is what matters. Don’t allow the stings to turn into jealousy or bitterness. Don’t allow the stings to constantly be a weight you carry everywhere. Let the stings come and pass without making you feel defeat. Allow the Holy Spirit to help navigate those stings in your heart. Call upon your friends to help you pray about it. Call upon Him to restore your reopened wounds. The sting is always there but that doesn’t mean the bitterness should be there too. Remember, you are always VICTORIOUS in Christ!
“casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you.”1 Peter 5:7 CSB
In honor of this week being National Infertility Awareness week I thought I would share my WHOLE story for the very first time in detail. So, I hope that you enjoy my story and that it will help you along the way.
You know the saying first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage, that’s how most peoples story begins and ends. I would love to tell you that my story was that way too. What is my story you ask? Well buckle up and prepare yourself for the big emotional roller coaster that is ahead of you. I met my husband Joel Blaszyk Feb of 2008. I had just turned 21 years old and was fresh out of college. Our relationship was a whirlwind. We got engaged only five months into our relationship. Many people thought we were too young and it was too fast; but we knew that we were both who the other had been praying for. We had the same desires for our ministries and our lives. We both wanted a big family.
Fast forward to the fall of 2011. We were ready to start trying for our family. I have always been like clockwork with my cycles so my husband decided that he would get checked out. He talked with his primary care doctor and they ordered him to do a semen analysis. On Halloween of 2011 we received his results of his SA. His count was ZERO! Yes, you read that right zero. The tech told us that he spun the sample three times because he had never seen results of zero before. We were DEVASTATED. We saw our dreams of being parents disappearing before our eyes. We were confused, angry, broken, all the emotions you could think of we had. I was more bitter and angry than anything. I didn’t understand why in the world God let me always want to be a mom and love children to just rip that from me. I had my soul mate but I was missing my final piece to the life I had planned. Everyone around us had or were having children except us. That is a lonely feeling , when you feel like you have the stamp “infertile” on your foreheads. The pain of the constant reminders of your empty nest. We had no idea what to do or how to feel. We thought we were just going to be the two of us forever.
Then, December of 2011 when I was at my darkest and angriest; God spoke a promise to us. He told us we would have a child. I immediately felt all the anger leave me in that moment. Then month after month and year after year, still no baby. The confusion and hurt grew deeper and deeper, but every-time I was at my lowest God would speak to me again “remember your promise.” We trusted and didn’t pursue any medical intervention for nearly 7 years. Then i turned 30. My biological clock felt like it was ticking its last tick. So, we decided to actually seek a fertility specialists. She restored hope in us. She believed based on all my husbands blood-work that he just had a blockage and that IVF was our greatest chance. She gave us a 60% success rate (which is on the high end). So, we drove three hours to a male fertility specialist in Louisville to have a TESA procedure performed. This procedure would extract the sperm for us to use for the IVF cycle. We were so filled with hope and joy. We were finally heading toward our promise of becoming parents. So, there I was waiting for the Doctor to come out and tell me the great news that I was believing for. That is not what happened. Instead, the Doctor came out with a look of defeat, being that I am in the medical field I knew what that meant. The test was negative. The doctor was dumbfounded. He couldn’t even give us an explanation of why everything pointed to Joel being able to reproduce only to discover he couldn’t. On the drive home we were defeated. We didn’t understand what in the world any of it all meant. God gave us this promise that we have held onto for so many years. We never doubted. Even, when others discredited our promise. We did not. We were even more broken than in the beginning because our last shred of hope was gone.
During the trip home my husband brought up us becoming foster parents again. He had originally brought this idea up when we first received his SA results, but I shut it down. I didn’t think I could handle the hurt of loving a child only to let them go. Not only that but I wasn’t ready to give up on my dream of becoming pregnant. But then I realized, I am hurting right now so what is the difference. My mom had always told me I had this incredible ability to love. She told me I loved every one of our friends and siblings children as if they were mine. She told me “Angela, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think this was God’s plan for you all along. He gave you your big beautiful heart full of so much love for children, so that you would and could love your foster children as your own. I know you want to have your own child, but God has bigger plans.” Of course, I didn’t want to hear what she was telling me, but my spirit knew she was right. So, I told my husband “OK, if we can’t have our own biological child then lets fill in the gap for the thousand upon thousands of children in the system who need parents. I know it isn’t going to be easy but I believe this is what God had for us all along.” So, my husband said “Lets do it.”
Here we are. We are certified licensed foster parents. We have been fostering for roughly 2 months and have already seen the pain that comes along with it. We are a foster to adopt home. We believe that even though it took us nearly 9 years to get here that this was what God wanted all along. He knew that we had to go through all the tests and heartbreak to allow us to see His plan. We still believe in His promise. We still believe He will provide us with a baby. We just now know that our baby is not coming to us the way we planned. So, I said all this in the hopes that it will encourage you that, No matter what this life brings God is FAITHFUL. Yes, there will be heartbreaks but when you know you are walking the path that God has set before you there is a peace about it. Fostering is filled with a whole new set of emotions that are completely different than infertility, however, there is also so much JOY in it. The joy comes when you know the child feels safe in your arms. Joy of hearing them tell you adoption has been added to the plan. Joy of a biological parent doing all the things required to fix their mistake and having their children return. Joy knowing that you helped reunite a family. Joy knowing you shared Jesus with them through the whole process.
So, please find the JOY in your situation. Your trial maybe different than mine and the path God has for you might be different, but His faithfulness is the same. His joy is the same. Embrace it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. When you embrace it all you will truly be able to see the blessings that have been waiting for you all along!
I know you are struggling right now, trying to figure out the direction to take. Wondering if you should do: IVF, IUI, Embryo adoption, surrogacy, adoption, not knowing which one is right for you and your spouse. It’s an emotional and unsettling quest knowing the path to take. I am here to tell you to seek Him. He will guide you, He will show you the way. The Psalm says “your word is a light to my feet, and a light to my path.” His Word will lead you, rest in His Word, in His promises. He can heal you. He can settle your uncertainties. Your job is to just trust Him. Obey the path He has already ordained you to walk. Perhaps your path is still to WAIT, that is the most difficult path of all, but I promise you, the wait will end! Trust the path. Trust His Word. He will light your way.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalms 119:105 ESV
Infertility can change you, some ways for the better and some for the worst. One way I’ve seen where it can change you is, it can harden your heart. Your heart can become bitter and hardened towards others, especially those that are parents. It doesn’t come all at once, it is a slow progression over time, it builds, it festers, it DESTROYS. This is how Satan will try to grab a hold of you. He wants you to be hardened in your heart, he will use that hardness against you, to create division. He want the hardness to create bitterness. He know that bitterness is one of the hardest things to overcome.
Being able to love others is a result of God in your life. It’s not talking about romantic love either, but about choosing to love someone in spite of their weaknesses, differences, or the fact that they’re fertile. It is being generous to those who don’t show generosity themselves, that is the kind of love God is mentioning. Fight back Satan by allowing God to soften your heart. Pray for that Godly love to flow through your veins. As a child of God take action and choose to sacrifice yourself and love others, even the ones who constantly remind you of what you’re missing. It isn’t easy, but in the end the reward will be worth it. Show the love of God next time and feel your heart change for the better.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7 ESV