For nearly ten years my husband and I have tried to conceive a baby. That is ten years of tracking periods. Ten years of ovulation kits. Ten years of disappointment month after month when your period arrived. Ten years of doctors saying there’s a small chance. Ten years of crying yourself to sleep becuase your heart is aching. Ten years of your husband blaming himself. Tens years of your faith being tested over and over. Ten years of a constant strain on your marriage. Ten years of constant emotions.
Today, as I sit here and think back on my infertility journey I feel a certain freedom. The pain is still there yes, but there is a freedom in not tracking your period. Not buying kits. Not having false pregnancy symptoms. Intimacy is again about being close to each other instead of trying to reproduce. The freedom of realizing for so long everything was about trying to have a baby and missing the other blessings in your life. I am not saying you wont still have days where you long for a child, that will always be there. What I am saying is to surrender it all to God. Do I still want a baby? Absolutley. Do I still wish I could get pregnant? Yes. Am I still bound by the chains of infertility? No.
I never realized until recently how much of my life was bound by trying to have a baby. God doesnt want us to live in bondage. He gave His life so that we could be FREE. Once I truly surrendered my pregnancy, my motherhood over to Him there was my freedom. I know I will have a child,but I also now know that my plan and Gods were completely different. So, surrender it all to Him. Stop being consumed by your desire that you’re constantly in bondage. Break free! Surrender it all over to Him and find your freedom.
“For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
Galatians 5:1 CSB
xoxo Sincerely, Angela