In honor of this week being National Infertility Awareness week I thought I would share my WHOLE story for the very first time in detail. So, I hope that you enjoy my story and that it will help you along the way.
You know the saying first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage, that’s how most peoples story begins and ends. I would love to tell you that my story was that way too. What is my story you ask? Well buckle up and prepare yourself for the big emotional roller coaster that is ahead of you.
I met my husband Joel Blaszyk Feb of 2008. I had just turned 21 years old and was fresh out of college. Our relationship was a whirlwind. We got engaged only five months into our relationship. Many people thought we were too young and it was too fast; but we knew that we were both who the other had been praying for. We had the same desires for our ministries and our lives. We both wanted a big family.
Fast forward to the fall of 2011. We were ready to start trying for our family. I have always been like clockwork with my cycles so my husband decided that he would get checked out. He talked with his primary care doctor and they ordered him to do a semen analysis. On Halloween of 2011 we received his results of his SA. His count was ZERO! Yes, you read that right zero. The tech told us that he spun the sample three times because he had never seen results of zero before. We were DEVASTATED. We saw our dreams of being parents disappearing before our eyes. We were confused, angry, broken, all the emotions you could think of we had. I was more bitter and angry than anything. I didn’t understand why in the world God let me always want to be a mom and love children to just rip that from me. I had my soul mate but I was missing my final piece to the life I had planned. Everyone around us had or were having children except us. That is a lonely feeling , when you feel like you have the stamp “infertile” on your foreheads. The pain of the constant reminders of your empty nest. We had no idea what to do or how to feel. We thought we were just going to be the two of us forever.
Then, December of 2011 when I was at my darkest and angriest; God spoke a promise to us. He told us we would have a child. I immediately felt all the anger leave me in that moment. Then month after month and year after year, still no baby. The confusion and hurt grew deeper and deeper, but every-time I was at my lowest God would speak to me again “remember your promise.” We trusted and didn’t pursue any medical intervention for nearly 7 years. Then i turned 30. My biological clock felt like it was ticking its last tick. So, we decided to actually seek a fertility specialists. She restored hope in us. She believed based on all my husbands blood-work that he just had a blockage and that IVF was our greatest chance. She gave us a 60% success rate (which is on the high end). So, we drove three hours to a male fertility specialist in Louisville to have a TESA procedure performed. This procedure would extract the sperm for us to use for the IVF cycle. We were so filled with hope and joy. We were finally heading toward our promise of becoming parents. So, there I was waiting for the Doctor to come out and tell me the great news that I was believing for. That is not what happened. Instead, the Doctor came out with a look of defeat, being that I am in the medical field I knew what that meant. The test was negative. The doctor was dumbfounded. He couldn’t even give us an explanation of why everything pointed to Joel being able to reproduce only to discover he couldn’t. On the drive home we were defeated. We didn’t understand what in the world any of it all meant. God gave us this promise that we have held onto for so many years. We never doubted. Even, when others discredited our promise. We did not. We were even more broken than in the beginning because our last shred of hope was gone.
During the trip home my husband brought up us becoming foster parents again. He had originally brought this idea up when we first received his SA results, but I shut it down. I didn’t think I could handle the hurt of loving a child only to let them go. Not only that but I wasn’t ready to give up on my dream of becoming pregnant. But then I realized, I am hurting right now so what is the difference. My mom had always told me I had this incredible ability to love. She told me I loved every one of our friends and siblings children as if they were mine. She told me “Angela, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think this was God’s plan for you all along. He gave you your big beautiful heart full of so much love for children, so that you would and could love your foster children as your own. I know you want to have your own child, but God has bigger plans.” Of course, I didn’t want to hear what she was telling me, but my spirit knew she was right. So, I told my husband “OK, if we can’t have our own biological child then lets fill in the gap for the thousand upon thousands of children in the system who need parents. I know it isn’t going to be easy but I believe this is what God had for us all along.” So, my husband said “Lets do it.”
Here we are. We are certified licensed foster parents. We have been fostering for roughly 2 months and have already seen the pain that comes along with it. We are a foster to adopt home. We believe that even though it took us nearly 9 years to get here that this was what God wanted all along. He knew that we had to go through all the tests and heartbreak to allow us to see His plan. We still believe in His promise. We still believe He will provide us with a baby. We just now know that our baby is not coming to us the way we planned. So, I said all this in the hopes that it will encourage you that, No matter what this life brings God is FAITHFUL. Yes, there will be heartbreaks but when you know you are walking the path that God has set before you there is a peace about it. Fostering is filled with a whole new set of emotions that are completely different than infertility, however, there is also so much JOY in it. The joy comes when you know the child feels safe in your arms. Joy of hearing them tell you adoption has been added to the plan. Joy of a biological parent doing all the things required to fix their mistake and having their children return. Joy knowing that you helped reunite a family. Joy knowing you shared Jesus with them through the whole process.
So, please find the JOY in your situation. Your trial maybe different than mine and the path God has for you might be different, but His faithfulness is the same. His joy is the same. Embrace it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. When you embrace it all you will truly be able to see the blessings that have been waiting for you all along!
Xoxo Sincerely, Angela